.

I feel something wrong,
Something different.

The tone of your voice?
The uncertainty in your words?
How about that no-rely all day?

Or maybe It’s less kisses,
More fights,
Less time,
More cries.

The smirk on your face,
When I know you’re keeping something,
Under your sleeve, on the tip of your tongue,
Hidden in lips no wonder we don’t kiss,
On the top of your head,
Is there something your not telling me?

Maybe it’s the music you listen to now,
It’s different? Is it?

I just can’t put my finger on it.

We’ve gone from everything together,
To no days together in the blink of an eye,
We lost everything.

I’m trying to do everything to save us.
Are you doing the same?

Maybe it’s all in my head,
as you said,
I tend to exaggerate.

 

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Pretend

She bites her tongue and swallows her words. She keeps her tears back and holds her breath. In her head all she hears is loud voices of her wound up thoughts. “Don’t cry, act like it doesn’t hurt, keep it together, don’t fuck this up again” she whispers in a shaking voice as she stares at her teared up eyes and her broken smile in the reflection. She kept it all in for him, cause to her he was everything she dreamed of, her favorite past, present and future.

She crossed oceans, built bridges in the past, all with her bear hands and only hers, but now shes fragile, she feels every word, ever action, every second, with him she feels everything.

He told her shes exaggerating.

“I’m crazy, I’m stupid, why is he with me? why? why do i have to be so fucked up?”

He will never understand.

What goes on in her head.

She looked into those teared up eyes, she looked at her broken smile and there she changed.

She puts on a smiling face, even when her head is full of voices and her tummy feels weird and when she feels like she can’t help but cry and when she feeling like she can’t do it anymore, when she feels like she wants to die, when she feels like she wants to scream.

When she’s in pain.

She smile’s.

He told her she’s exaggerating so she pretended she doesn’t feel anything.

What hurt her the most?
He said they’re doing better now.
He said they’re better than ever.
So she will continue pretend to be someone else, even if it’s for the rest of her life.
She will do anything for him to be happy.

Back where she started.
Alone.

Maybe

I wish,

I could feel you heart,

Beating for us,

Against my chest,

Like it used to.

I wish,

I could feel your breath,

Gasping for us,

Against my neck,

Like it used to.

I wish,

Your hand still fits,

Like a perfect puzzle,

Perfectly into mine,

Like it used to.

I wish,

Your face lights up,

For you and I,

That smirk i miss,

Like it used to.

I wish,

That my time,

Is spent with you,

And you only,

Like we used to.

I wish,

The best,

For us two,

For better days together,

Like I always have,

Cause I feel like i’m stuck,

Stuck in love with you,

An illness that will never cure,

Cause my heart beats,

Only for us,

Every breath i take,

Only for us,

My hand was made,

Only to fit yours,

My face only lights up,

For you and no one else,

My time is spent thinking,

Of only you.

Maybe im the problem,

Cause how can a girl like me,

Get a guy like you?

Maybe now you see,

The flaws I see in myself.

Maybe other women,

Are perfect,

Maybe i’m flawed.

I wish,

I could be everything you want,

And much more,

Anything for you.

Everything for you,

Even if it means nothing for me.

I need you.

I need us.

Its everything for me,

Please baby,

Help me.

The beginning

After that I was addicted,
You were my high,
Never a single low,
We were Infinite,
Honey.

Blazed eyed,
We drove through the streets,
With the sun shining bright,
On our lit up faces,
In the summer air.

Oh how good life seemed,
Just you and I,
Baby, we had it all.

I showed you my wounds,
My broken wings,
My broken heart,
My naked soul.

And you began to mend,
Day by day,
Stitch by stitch,
With your bare hands,
You restored me.

Everything I needed,
wanted and waited for,
And will always look for.

It was the beginning,
To something great.

It was the beginning,
Of forever.

It was the beginning,
Of You and I.

 

Part 2

You and I

Our lips touched, our eyes locked, holding hands,
we caved into the wrong,
Pressed against the wall,
Your lips tasted like honey,
And I had been craving sweet all my life.

From that moment I was hooked.

Hooked,
Your face, Your smile, Your laugh, Your eyes,
Everything you,
Hooked.

I,
A worn out soul,
With broken wings,
Tried to fly,
Just for you.

But It only took a few months,
Till you shot me back down,
straight to the ground.

BANG BANG 

I remember the sound,
Of the words you said.
It sounded like,
screeching nails on a chalk board,
I was the chalkboard.

But I pretended to be okay,
Acted like I could still fly,
Acted like you were not the one,
To shoot me down,
Cause deep down I knew,
There’s more time for us,
Honey.

And so there was,
Away from the party.
again,

our lips touched, our eyes locked, holding hands,

This time,
Your lips didn’t taste like honey,
But of liquor,
A mixture of good times and fear.

Pressed against the wall,
I begged you not to hurt me again.
You promised as you kissed my neck.

“Promise, Promise, Promise”

We snuck into your house,
holding my heels in one hand,
And in the other your hand.

That night I felt It,
Passion and love.
That’s the night I felt it.

But you were too drunk to remember.

It’s okay.

I guess there is where it started,
It could have been better.

but It was all worth it
Part 1

Liar

Why?

Why would you lie about something like this?
You put my life on a two way street,
The street I’m not ready to face.
You put my job on the edge.

I feel harassed by your mother and your uncle.

You lied about something so serious,
why did you let it get to this?

I’m sorry I stopped being your friend,
but this just proves my point.

You’re a lying bitch who wants to ruin my life,
Just cause you crave attention,
You’re jealous that i’m finally happy,
Without you in my life,
I was were I wanted to be.

You’re trying to turn everyone against me,
You’re addicted to lies,
Admit it.

All I want to know is why,
An explanation for the misery you put me in.

I can’t wait till justice is served.
I can’t wait till you get what you deserve.

I can’t wait till I get what I deserve again.

If anything ever happens to me, I want you to know:

Dear Boyfriend/Best friend/my soulmate,

I think I really did fall in love with you at first touch, I know you didn’t feel the same, but I felt it. You just are the most perfect balance that a human being could have. You make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have the privilege to have even met you.

Our first months were rocky, yes, they were a few very hard months but I honestly wouldn’t change any part of our journey together, honestly. Yes, the week we spent apart was though however something told me it wasn’t over. That week made such a big difference.

I am sorry, I am truly sorry I did not give you time. I am sorry. I hate myself for doing that to you.
I am sorry I get jealous easily, I’m sorry you lost some friends cause of my jealousy. I know that must have felt like shit.
I feel like you deserve better, and its all I ever want to give you, I swear, I will do anything it takes to become the perfect girlfriend. To be the one who is always there when you need me, To be everything you look for in a girl, To be perfect just like you.

Our first time in Rome was something I will never forget. I feel like I got to know you better, I felt safe and loved, a feeling no one was able to show me. If I could choose to lose my virginity to someone I wish, I truly wish it was to you, someone I love, someone I trust and someone who is the total opposite of the monster who stole it from me.

It took a while to open up, It was hard, and it did kind of triggered me yeah, It’s not your fault please know that, but i have been thinking a lot about what we said, But I know that what i said within the hotel room walls are safe with you. Thank you, for taking care of me. Thank you for being there, always.

I need to thank you for turning all my days from horrible to beautiful days full of laughter and love, for making me feel alive when i wake up feeling dead and numb, for taking my broken soul and mending it bit by bit. Thank you for crossing oceans for me just to see a smile on my face.

If anything ever happens to me and you come across this post,
I never loved anyone as much as I love you,
I will do anything and everything for you.
I want you to know that you’re the most caring and loving person,
You’re my favorite person,
My demel buddy,
My other half,
My soul mate,
The love of my life,
You are my whole world and my everything.
You are the reason I keep strong.
You are the reason I keep trying.

I hope you know I’ll always love you,
To mars and back and to mars again,
Always and forever.

I love you,
so much.

please don’t forget me.
please